Attack of the Killer Tomatoes by Jeff Strand

Author:Jeff Strand [Strand, Jeff]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Encyclopocalypse Publications

CHAPTER 15

Sam Smith, disguise expert, looked almost exactly like a giant tomato. If tomatoes could mutate to this size, who was to say that they couldn’t also sprout arms, legs, and a human head? He’d been nervous when he arrived at their camp, but they’d welcomed him as a fellow tomato. Now he sat around the campfire as they feasted upon their latest victims.

Though Smith had not yet learned their language, he was able to read the subtitles.

Who’s ready for an arm? asked the tomato seated next to him.

Ooh! I am! said the tomato on the other side of him.

Pass it on, said the first tomato, handing a severed arm to Smith. He grimaced, but he knew that if he went “Eeewwww!” it would blow his cover. He handed the arm to the other tomato, trying not to look at the gross part.

The tomato hungrily munched away. Smith thought that the sound of it devouring a human arm was the worst part of the experience, but then he peeked and saw that it was, in fact, not.

Could somebody pass a leg?

A tomato gave Smith a leg, freshly roasted in the campfire. Smith couldn’t lie and say that it didn’t smell good, but he obviously wasn’t tempted to sample it. He passed it along.

My favorite part is the intestines, said the tomato across from him. They’re like spaghetti. So many humans ate us on top of spaghetti, and now we eat their intestines like spaghetti. It’s poetic justice. Watch me slurp up the entire thing, end to end, without taking a breath.

Smith tried not to cringe. It was the most disgusting thing he’d seen since infiltrating that cannibal camp a few years ago.

Aren’t you hungry? a tomato asked him.

Smith shook his head.

Why don’t you speak?

Smith tried to mimic the weird babbling noises that the tomatoes made. If he was lucky, they’d be able to read his subtitles. Not hungry.

Not hungry? What kind of tomato is not hungry?

Had a big lunch. Full of orphans and nuns.

Oh, go on. Have a pancreas.

Later, maybe.

If you don’t eat the pancreas, we will have no choice but to be suspicious. We might think that you’re not really a tomato, but rather a human being in an incredibly convincing disguise.

Smith gulped.

Should he have done that? Did tomatoes gulp?

All right, he said. I’ll have some pancreas.

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